Jun. 18th, 2013

ltgmars: (Default)
I've been in a weird dumpy mood since the weekend. I partly blame the weather over the weekend, because while I'm actually very weak to and hate being in sunshine, I like the existence of sunshine itself, and I guess Saturday was a drearier day than I needed at that point. I was driving and thinking, and I felt the sudden urge to not be driving and thinking anymore, if you know what I mean, but I figured that was bad form since I was driving to a friend's place for pizza. XD.

Mostly, especially in conjunction with where I was headed -- to meet a friend! -- it got me thinking about how unfair it is that I get so anxious and afraid of being irrelevant and unimportant in other people's lives. On some level it's really self-absorbed and rude and inconsiderate of me to feel so anxious about it because, frankly, I make friends really easily, and when I have my head on straight, I do feel like I do a good job of connecting with people and contributing to their lives. So what right do I have as someone who can and does build relationships with a lot of great people to be fussing over feeling disconnected and irrelevant when so many other people have a harder time than I even forging those friendships in the first place? I dunno. Makes me feel like a tool for even having this kind of anxiety, but I'm guessing that's also the anxiety talking. XD.

And then on a more basic level, it's completely bizarre and idiotic for me to be even worrying about this, given everything I have that I just can't seem to appreciate. Ahh so tiresome.


ltgmars: (Default)

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