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Everyone predicted that I would fall off the updating wagon soon enough, but I didn't realize it'd be that quickly! Every few days I'd be like "ohgosh gotta post" and then I'd just never get around to it, so now's the time! I will do it! Here's a super boring and rambly rundown of my last few months:

- Late March/early April: Went to my cousin's wedding in Indonesia with my mom, which was a super fun and fulfilling trip. It was really nice to be with my extended family, even though I couldn't navigate the language enough to speak back when spoken to (I'm one of those "understands it but can't produce it" kids), and even though I basically know nothing about them. There was something so comfortable and familiar about those people and that culture, even though I don't actively think about it as being a part of who I am; it was nice to spend a week reminded that I have this whole chunk of people on the other side of the world who care very much about me even if I only talk to them once every ten years or so. I know family is really messed up for a lot of people, so I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful that mine are such a good bunch.

- Early May: Needed a change of scenery, so I made a quick trip to Japan that coincidentally(?!?!) lined up nicely with Golden Week/Johnny's WEST in Yokohama Arena! Fancy that!! XD What an amazingly fun concert that was, even though we were the ~loud Americans~ and Meghan basically had to keep to herself the entire time because I'm pretty sure she was ashamed to be seen with us. :'D That makes my third Johnny's concert (after Arashi and Kanjani8 in November-December), and I feel like I'm ticking them off at a good pace. :3

I also had a tour and pseudo-interview with the company I'll be working for when I move to Japan. I... actually don't think I've talked about it in any detail here, but basically:

moving to Japan and things )

- Late June: Some random folks I kind of knew from college got married. William asked me to be in his wedding party as a "groomsperson" (was the title I gave myself), and I was Real Cute, NEGL (I bought a black jacket/vest/skirt to create the femme version of what the guys were wearing, with the tie rented from Men's Wearhouse). It was actually a bit overwhelming how fun the weekend was and I don't think I'd be able to adequately express what it meant to me to be there, but generally, it was one of the best weekends in a very long with a bunch of old friends. (Also got to spend a day with the illustrious Tey, with whom I saw animals and a lack-of-animals and it was just... so fun?? Glad we were able to make it happen. ♥) Goodbyes were a little surreal because I realized it'd probably be the last time I saw many of them for a long time (probably not until the next wedding, or longer); I don't even know if Japan is going to be a permanent home for me or if I'll come back to the US at some point, and that makes this feeling even more intangible/difficult to process, but I'm really glad that I got to spend such a special weekend with so many of the faces I love.

- Lately: Been in my weird anxious phase about my high school trauma (basically watching my friends become better friends with each other and leave me behind) and writing complex (can't read fic because it makes me legitimately sick to my stomach to read good writing, even though plenty of those same people tell me they love my writing). But I want to write more because sometimes I do feel really good about writing, but a lot of it is that I want to prove myself and have people recognize me as ~so good~ or whatever, and that feels kind of weird and rude and unnecessarily competitive to me. Eh, eh, life, adulthood, eh.

Hm, I'll learn how to make these entries interesting someday. XD Um I wanted to end with something about Bun-chan because I love him so much, but I actually have nothing specific to say. Just know that I love him so much.

A little happiness: I got new running shorts yesterday! To fend off that weird tan I've developed while wearing running pants where my shins/calves are super tan but my thighs are super white. I actually think my thighs are incredibly gross, but it's not my problem how other people feel about seeing them. :D More exercise means they'll be less gross someday anyway, so~
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In an effort to do that reaching-out-to-people thing, I sent a text to a friend I haven't talked to for a few months, but she hasn't responded yet and I don't know if she 1) changed her number, 2) hasn't had a chance to respond yet for whatever reason, or 3) simply didn't receive it because I also attached a giant photo of my cat. It's nice that I'm in a healthy place mentally/emotionally where I'm no longer anxious that not having heard back from someone means that they hate me or don't want to talk to me because I've done something wrong or whatever (because what an awful feeling that is), but I'm still very much the kind of person who starts to get frantically worried if I don't hear from people. So I'll wait a few days and then maybe just send her an e-mail if she doesn't get back to me. XD

I made a new icon! Look at how perfect Bun-chan is!!! I invested in a permanent LJ account back when they were on sale years ago so I have all this icon space that I'm never going to fill up because I'm not good at making icons, but every once in a while I give it a shot and have a new icon to use, and it makes me want to post a journal entry even though I have nothing to talk about except how I texted someone but she hasn't texted me back.

I was chuckling to myself earlier about how I've been sifting through idols I'm obsessed with pretty quickly over the past year, but on some level it seems like a natural arc as I fall into fandoms and dig deeper and watch old stuff with ~new eyes~. Ultimately I've discovered (rediscovered?) a bunch of new (renewed?) people in a bunch of different groups that I love lots and I'm really happy to have so many good people I want to support in Johnny's fandom as a whole.

But it's very very official now. Bun-chan is, in fact, the one for me.

A little happiness: I got a cat shawl from one of those young and hip shops along Takeshita-dori when I visited Japan in December, and I decided to leave it in the office because I can't actually control the temperature in the space. It's currently keeping me warm/protecting me from the evils of the world.
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After nearly two years of scrambling to build and manage a new institute essentially by myself (it's been two bosses and one person who actually does all of the everything), we've finally hired a new guy! And with that I finally got the promotion and raise that had been promised to me at the beginning of the fiscal year last summer, since I finally have someone under me and can finally justify to the compliance powers that be that I deserve a better title since I'm ~no longer buying coffee~ and whatnot. You're now reading the LJ entry of an Assistant Director~

Just in time to get ready for a sooner-than-later move to Japan that very few people know about, oops. XD My bosses know and are happy that I'll be following my dreams, etc., and a few close colleagues know, but mostly the faculty fellows and other staff who've seen me put everything together for the past two years have been congratulating me and thanking me in advance for my hard work in this new position that they're saying I've deserved for so long, and it's a very weird feeling because people are sending me so many happy thoughts while I'm suffocating on my own guilt for wanting so badly to leave.

To specify, I have a tentative/proposed job offer from a company in Nagoya whose president we met when the institute went on a faculty delegation to Japan last December. Over super fancy shabushabu dinner that was so fabulous the cow meat came with a birth certificate, he turned to me and said, "I'm going to hire you," and I was like "lol okay dude" and he was like, "No, I'm serious. :|" Boss N is like my dad and he just wants me to be happy so he talked me up all through dinner, and here I am a couple months later just waiting for an official offer. Details forthcoming, as they're settled.

Was obviously hoping to be with Massiel 5ever in Tokyo so she could stress out my cat and we could share a shoe collection, but Nagoya is sufficiently between Tokyo and my heart's real hometown, Osaka, so I'll make visits when I can to see all the faces (celebrity and otherwise) that I love.

Speaking of which, my Twitter these days has been bogged down, for better or for worse, by a whole gaggle of Kansai children. These folks I've peripherally known of/followed for years have in the past few months swallowed me whole, and now I'm desperately, irrevocably in a bad way with Bun-chan. I added him to my tessellating Nino/Pikachu background today and I feel like there's nowhere else to go but down into the soul-crushing depths of actual love in a way I never love celebrities. Recently Brigit tortured us with a renewed favorite Johnny's ranking, and when I was asked where Bun-chan would fit (because he's a Junior and thus not included in the ranking of debuteds) I realized he actually, literally, for real real wouldn't fit anywhere since no one has ever made me feel the way he does -- not even Nino, who has defined who I am and shaped me as an individual and been so, so important to me that he will always and forever be my Favorite. Even so, even so, Bun-chan is the first ever in this strange new category of indescribable feelings and it seems like I have no choice but to let myself sink into them.

So here I am. What am I supposed to do with myself? What have you done to me, Bun-chan?? D:

We'll continue to report on this story as it unfolds.


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July 2015

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