FRIENDS CUT

[ltgmars]

... or so I would say, to make you all feel good about not being f-cut (it hurts so good), but I just went through and purged a bunch of old/inactive journals from my f-list. They still have me friended, so I get to look at their usernames in my "friends of" list for posterity, but for some reason it bothered me that I had so many inactive journals showing up on my "friends" list, so I got rid of 'em.

And this goes out mostly to people who're friends with me out of habit, but to anyone, really (even the newest batch): I'm always open to defriending. Tastes change, people change, friendships change. That's fine. If you're sick of hearing me wibble about tiny Japanese men, I get that, and I'm not going to hold it against you that we're different now, or that the commonality on which we based our initial friendship no longer exists. I like becoming friends with people with similar interests because that usually lets us get to know one another beyond that original common thread, but sometimes it's just hard to relate to someone you have so little in common with, especially when that commonality isn't a major aspect in your life anymore. I respect that, and if you ever feel like we've come to that point and you aren't comfortable with having me around, don't hesitate to defriend me. (Don't "feel bad", though, that you might be boring me with what you write about. I read all of my friends' entries because they speak to who you are as people and perhaps how you've changed and grown since we've met, even if I don't understand what the hell you're talking about, heh.)

I get attached to friends and to the idea of friendship, and I'm always grateful that I've come in contact with people, even if for five minutes of one day -- because they're a part of this life I'm living, and they're a part of who I am now -- but I recognize that folks use the internet or view internet friendship differently than I do. So while for me (and I suspect for at least some of you), internet friendship is as important (or perhaps in some ways even more important) than in-the-flesh friendship, I can't expect that everyone feels that strongly or that deeply connected to people they meet online. Me? Sometimes I think back to some friends I made when I first swam into the interblag about ten years ago, and I say to myself, "A---- was in high school, wasn't she? I wonder what she's up to now." I'm just a nostalgic kind of person. But it takes a lot to offend me when it comes to something like this, and I can't blame you for not being that intensely attached to people (or being attached in a different way, or getting over your attachment more quickly than I do), so defriend me whenever you feel like it. I might get sad, but that's just life sometimes, eh?

Just so you know, if you do defriend me (now or ever), don't be alarmed if you get a note from me sending you well-wishes. I really do mean them.


ALSO what is up with all of these long-winded, serious posts lately (as in, well, today and yesterday)? I'm so ~*~thoughtful~*~ nowadays.

Comments

[jadeswallow.livejournal.com]

it's okay to defriend me too..you might find me extremely moody and often complained about my life...

[jadeswallow.livejournal.com]

forget: i also consider internet friend very important. somehow they are the one who listen to you more than your rl friends...and i found some of my internet friends are really sincere in the relationship

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

The internet is a weird place for me. So much of it seems like escapism in a sense, because it's how you get away from the things that frustrate you about your real, tangible life, but then you start building this other life on the internet, and eventually the two get conflated to the point where it doesn't even matter anymore. I guess that's where I am with friends -- friends are friends are friends. If they "perform the same functions", then that's who they are, no matter how I met them.

And haha, we're all moody and complainy sometimes. That's the point of a journal, right?

[sharona1x2.livejournal.com]

ALSO what is up with all of these long-winded, serious posts lately

I can pretty much guarantee you'll never see any of those in my LJ. I'm so rarely serious online. ^_^

Btw, a package is on its way to you. I got to the post office yesterday.

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Heh, that's something I really like about your posts. It's soothing that they're so regular and light.

And seriously, you are such a sweetheart. I'll let you know when they've arrived. I'm really excited to show them off to my friends and family. ♥

[sharona1x2.livejournal.com]

You're so sweet. I hope they don't disappoint you. They really are small and simple. ^_^

[nicefinalbeam.livejournal.com]

I feel that this is somewhat related, so I hope that you don't mind that I'm using your post to voice this.

I'm of the opinion that livejournal should be treated just like any other social gathering. Maybe more intimate, as a lot of your life can be shared, but to think "THIS IS MY JOURNAL SO I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT!"... I've never liked that mentality.

It's like running into a room full of your friends and shouting "ANYONE WHO THINKS OHNO SHOULD BE IN A ROMANCE IS AN IDIOT AND NOT APPRECIATIVE OF THE WORK HE'S BEEN GIVEN!"

Erm... would you do that? Probably not, so why would you attack your friends' opinions in your journal when you know they're reading it?

I don't "censor" myself as some like to throw out there, but I definitely make sure to state my thoughts and feelings in a way I think will be least offensive to the people I care about, you know?

♥ Anyway! Hi! LOL. :D

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

No! No one's allowed to have opinions on my LiveJournal! Why would you say these things?!

I think in essence, as a journal-entry writer, I'm in the same place you are. I have my feelings, but usually I try to state them "delicately", if they're feelings that are counter to those that my friends have. It's easiest to get your feelings across to the people you're trying to relay them to when you've conveyed in a respectful manner. No one's going to want to listen to you if you just sit down and throw up on everything your friends believe.

But at the same time, I don't mind the "this is my journal", free-for-all mentality that some folks tend to have. I guess it depends on what different people view the utility of a journal to be -- is it a place where they can connect with other people? Is it a sounding board? Is it a blank wall to yell at that just happens to echo back to other people? I don't want to devalue what people use their journals for, and as long as they aren't purposely trying to hurt the people they know read their journals, then they should be able to say what they feel. (There are, of course, people who do say mean things just to hurt other people; I think that kind of behavior is often displayed by people who have a certain irrevocable meanness to them who use the "free-for-all journal" mentality as justification, which isn't fair to the people who don't mince their words but aren't trying to be intentionally hurtful.) But of course, with all of that, there's the law of the land that's true no matter what kinds of things you write: you have to be held accountable for your words and actions; you can't expect to get away with everything, without strained relationships and ruined dynamics, if you just say offensive things without trying to get people to understand where you're coming from. I so value the idea of "agreeing to disagree", and I think most people do; but it's the conversation that leads up to the agreement that's important to me. Without it, you just have people yelling at each other and getting angry.

In the end, I don't really mind if people are angry/inconsiderate journalers. It is their right to say what they want, as long as they understand that it's also their responsibility to either 1) qualify what they say so that they can get along with the people they want to have meaningful relationships with despite differences in opinion, or 2) be ready to to pick up the pieces of whatever they've broken.

Also, how did my response get to be this long? Thanks for bringing up an interesting thinking point, I guess. :P

ETA: Sometimes you just don't make any grammatical sense, Inez. :|

[nicefinalbeam.livejournal.com]

Ah, I feel like you've hit on some great points that I didn't initially include in mine, and I definitely agree.

For one, if people want to look at their journal as a place to say what they want, how they want, then that's on them and no one's really forcing me to continue a friendship if I find that unsatisfactory. I wouldn't really say that I discourage people from using their journals one way or another, because of the reasons you've brought up. But if that excuse is used as justification for bad behavior, then I become a bit weary.

For example, if you say something heated and intend for someone to be reading it in a passive aggressive display, then claim "well I can say what I want because this is my space so NYAH"... not okay. If you say something that's controversial and worded in perhaps not the best way as a means of venting in a journal that's a safehaven for you... okay.

I think it's a really thin line, probably just requires that the observer pay close attention and use their best judgment. Which kind of brings me to the point of... I value internet friendships, and I find friends-cuts hard to do if it's not just a sweep of inactive journals, but I have had situations in the past where I've had to let friendships go.

But it takes a lot. So. LOL. ♥

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Mm, I understand. I've been fortunate enough to have "questionable" friendships more or less dissipate before it got to the point where it was clearly damaging to either party, but it's so difficult to give up on friendship or any kind of relationship, especially after you've tried hard to make it work.

Also, I hate passive-aggressiveness, haha. I really don't deal with it well at all. I guess I've always been a more straight-forward, "tell me what's wrong so that we can fix it" kind of person. But you seem to be the same, so choir, I think I'm done preaching now.

[ayleria.livejournal.com]

Haha, I do that, too. I feel bad sometimes, but, well, when people aren't updating for two or three years, it feels weird to have their accounts on my list. Then again, I'm overly paranoid. ^^;

But I <3 you and have always felt connected to you, even if we don't talk all the time. I still remember seeing your username and being all girly and yay about it because someone else liked Gohan like ten years ago now? Man. XD

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

<3 <3 <3 There are are handful of you darlings that I have such a special connection to. We can go without talking for months, but whenever I see you pop up somewhere, I just feel so warm and happy because that's what friendship is. Something like that, heh.

The wedding's this week, right? Are you excited? I'm looking forward to seeing pictures, hint-hint. :3

[ayleria.livejournal.com]

Yep, the wedding is Sunday. :D I'm excited, but mostly ready for it to get over with because the parents are trying to kill us with their 'helping.' But there will be lots of pictures! My uncle is the photographer, so I get to have all the shots!

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, I can imagine that. It must be stressful, but you seem to be surviving well enough.

AND THE POINT IS that it's going to be lovely and you're going to be happy, so. <3

[rikke-leonhart.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on so many points that it's pretty ridiculous.

And erm, hi, new friend, sorry if I seemed kind of random popping by suddenly and friending you.

I get very attached to internet friends, but I've never been as attached as I am now to the ones I've gained in my time on livejournal. I believe in being able to speak frankly and freely, but I try not to offend people (and the occasional slip happens because sometimes I'm in a really really foul mood, and well, shit happens). These people I'm talking to now, I'm seriously considering and planning to travel and meet them. It means a lot to me.

Internet allows people to be open in a way that can be difficult in the flesh, and for me, that means my naturally reserved manner isn't seen as much as it normally is. I'm in a position in my life with my work, where I'm expected to be open, friendly and smiling day in and day out, and when I actually am, by nature, a very reserved person, it's nice to go to a place where I can be who I am.

For me, it has meant that these people know who I am, instead of how I look. It means everything to me.

So, hi ♥

Edit: Because I made no effing sense in some parts of this LOL

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, it's totally fine. I'm always happy to meet new people. FRIENDSHIP HAPPENS.

The internet as a medium is so... it's so interesting, sociologically. There are all those psychologists and whatnot who talk about how children are growing up socially stilted because they prefer electronic communication to face-to-face interaction, even with the people that they became friends with in real life, but that totally downplays the role that having a medium like the internet has in a person's -- any person's, regardless of age -- personal development. I definitely would not be the person I am today if I hadn't met the people I met online. There's always the Frostian "road not taken" -- the possibilities I eliminated from my life the moment I decided to spend the time I did developing friendships on the internet. But I think it's not a bad thing at all to take that road, especially in an age where we as a collective human culture are so dependent on the technology around us, if that road leads us to a state of being that can successfully straddle internet life and real life life -- put them in conversation with one another. There is, I'm sure, such a thing as "too much internet", but what happens on the internet -- the kinds of decisions you make, the kinds of relationships you fall into -- is still as formative as what happens on the ground in front of you.

I'm so happy for you that you're going to go out and meet your internet friends! I've met a few of my internet friends myself, and some of them are really my dearest friends.

And yes. Hi. ♥

Edit: Because I made no effing sense in some parts of this LOL
Hey, funny story. That's going to be the title of my autobiography. XD

ETA: I totally edited this comment. See what I did there?

[blackwine.livejournal.com]

If you're sick of hearing me wibble about tiny Japanese men

I love you. XD

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Ohmygoodness, they're so small, though. I'm bigger than half of them.

ANYWAY. <3

[sexyturtle.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you didn't defreind me.

I want to be lj friends forevah baby!

ps I'm glad you're posting more! I'm so glad that you're long term absence has ended!

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Friendship. Forever.

And yeah, randomly posting is fun. Heh.

[amamiyarin.livejournal.com]

*CLINGS like KenKen*

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha, oh man, if you clung like KenKen, I wouldn't be able to detach you even if I wanted to.

♥

[yuuki-7.livejournal.com]

If you're sick of hearing me wibble about tiny Japanese men
I would never get sick reading your posts about japanese men especially if you're talikng about arashi xD

You didn't removed me? Yay! *jumps for joy xD*

[ltgmars.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't see myself getting sick of talking about Arashi for a while, so. XD