ltgmars: (Default)
[personal profile] ltgmars
I've been in a weird dumpy mood since the weekend. I partly blame the weather over the weekend, because while I'm actually very weak to and hate being in sunshine, I like the existence of sunshine itself, and I guess Saturday was a drearier day than I needed at that point. I was driving and thinking, and I felt the sudden urge to not be driving and thinking anymore, if you know what I mean, but I figured that was bad form since I was driving to a friend's place for pizza. XD.

Mostly, especially in conjunction with where I was headed -- to meet a friend! -- it got me thinking about how unfair it is that I get so anxious and afraid of being irrelevant and unimportant in other people's lives. On some level it's really self-absorbed and rude and inconsiderate of me to feel so anxious about it because, frankly, I make friends really easily, and when I have my head on straight, I do feel like I do a good job of connecting with people and contributing to their lives. So what right do I have as someone who can and does build relationships with a lot of great people to be fussing over feeling disconnected and irrelevant when so many other people have a harder time than I even forging those friendships in the first place? I dunno. Makes me feel like a tool for even having this kind of anxiety, but I'm guessing that's also the anxiety talking. XD.

And then on a more basic level, it's completely bizarre and idiotic for me to be even worrying about this, given everything I have that I just can't seem to appreciate. Ahh so tiresome.

Date: 2013-06-19 01:10 (UTC)
yabai: (嵐 o 二宮和也 o smirk)
From: [personal profile] yabai
Maybe part of it is the ease with which you can forge those relationships that contributes to the fear of being irrelevant? I could be way off the mark here, but that's something I worry about from time to time (the being irrelevant part) and I worry that being too friendly and having too many relationships means they don't mean anything and I'm not actually contributing to others' lives, I'm just there as an accessory. Don't even worry about worrying about that stuff. That you have other things to appreciate is irrelevant in this instance. Obviously you worry about your relationships and want them to be meaningful and to be meaningful to people, so it's entirely justified.


ltgmars: (Default)

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